Five Things That Scare The Heck Outta Me

1. Horror movies. Obvious, right? The closest I've ever gotten to "scary" movies are The Shining and Silence of the Lambs...neither of which truly fall under that genre. Both are AMAZING movies, but watching them back to back alone in my apartment probably wasn't the brightest idea given my history. The trailer for Paranormal Activity 2 freaked me out in the theater, so I guess that tells you everything you need to know. 

2. The thought of being a parent. Given my current situation, it's not in the cards. I don't know where I'll be in five, ten, however many years, but I refuse to bring a child into this world and be responsible for raising it. Not that I'd be a bad mother, because I'm second mom to my sibs and they love me, haha. I'm all about family. But with all of my health issues and conditions prevalent in my family...it would irresponsible and absolutely kill me to raise a kid in that environment. I'm not anti-baby and I love the thought of adoption, but it will take a LOT of change and healing in this lady's life for that to happen. Sad day.

3. The thought of my family dying. It makes me sick. I've woken up screaming/in tears since I was a little kid from nightmares constituting this particular scenario. It's an honest-to-blog fear. But you can't go through life worrying about that. I just spend my days trying to be as present and engaged with them as I can be, and love on them as often as possible. That's all you can do, right? (:

4. Parasites. Namely internal/digestive ones. I mean, it happens. I've never had one, but there was that film in 9th grade biology that kind of ruined my life. So they freak me out.  Got a roach? Spider? Strange bug to swat? I'm your girl! No fear there. But these lil buggers, gah! When I was in Ethiopia I was surprisingly not as worried about it as I thought I would be...at least not by the third day of being there, haha. It's a gross thought, but at least you can get rid of em, right? 

5. Stomach flu/throwing up. Again, they happen. Part of life. Germs just come with the territory of living with younger siblings and a teacher mom, and working with people whose kids are in elementary school. I'm an admitted hypochondriac and emetophobic in this regard, though. I lived with my grandparents for three weeks when one of my sisters brought home a stomach bug that circulated around my house right before a big trip I had planned. That's just how I am. I deal with stomach troubles that're out of my control on a daily basis...a stomach flu is the last thing I need. I mean if I get sick, I get sick. But if I can potentially avoid it, I'll go to great lengths to do just that. How crazy do I sound right now? 

So, yeah. True story. Fear. It's a thing. What're some things that scare you silly? 

Five Tattoo Ideas I Love But Would Never Get On My Body

I love tattoos. A lot. I really do. I want a million. But not really, because I don't want to be covered in them. They're cute here and there, strategically placed, but full body is a little overboard. Not hatin', just sayin. Here are a few that I absolutely ADORE but would never get permanently etched onto my skin, either because they just don't hold personal meaning for me or I don't want to copy someone else. If you happen to have one of these, my purpose isn't to offend, but merely explain why I personally won't be getting one. I'm sure you have a really awesome reason for getting it, and it looks way cooler on you anyway! 

1. A bird/birdcage. Yes, they're beautiful. Yes, sparrows and robins and swallows and mockingbirds are gorgeous. In color, in black, or as silhouettes. They're incredible creatures and carry loads of symbolism for different people. Freedom, for instance. The reminder that they (you) can soar above their (your) circumstances no matter what. Or maybe you're an aviphile and can't get enough of the winged creatures! Totally cool man; not for me. 

2. A ship. They're really cool to look at when they're really well done. I mean really. If you have one, I probably automatically expect you to have a beard and be an amazing musician. Like, say, Andy Hull. This is totally Right Away, Great Captain for me. Again, so awesome when the artist kills it, but I don't need a ship on my body. Where am I sailing to? Where the heck am I going? Where have I been? I don't know and you probably don't want to know either.

3. Something cuteish. Let me be specific: a bow, a heart, a ribbon, a cupcake, a unicorn, a Hawaiian flower, a dolphin, a butterfly, etc. YES lots of people pull them off really well. Sometimes ya just need some sweetheart art on your bod; I can roll with that. It's just not my style. I would probably get a cupcake tattooed somewhere if I could actually eat them! Haha. Ok not really. But they're fun to look at nonetheless. 

4. A Sylvia Plath quote. Rather, The Ultimate Sylvia Plath Quote: "I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart; I am, I am, I am" (or it's various versions, usually shortened). This was actually something I entertained for quite awhile because all of the other quotes I loved from either The Bell Jar or her unabridged Journals were way too long to get inked. But then I was like...I am? Yes I am. And yes I am not going to get that on my body because there are more powerful words, for me personally, that I'd like to have done. Either way, I'm an infinite lover of Plath til the end. I am, I am, I am. 

5. Someone's name/face. Again, this was something I once entertained and still kind of do as a joke in the back of my mind. I wanted 'Marc Jacobs' in the brand font on my wrist or on the back of my neck. Or just the initials. But then it was like MJ? Michael Jackson? Mary Jane? What? He's still my favorite crazy designer and it might still happen, but that's kind of silly when you consider that I wouldn't even get my husband's name tattooed on myself, should I ever get married. I just won't. Or anyone else's name, I don't think. 

And as far as faces...I REALLY wanted Richard Nixon's face on my calf. For a long time.  True story. But guys, he wasn't exactly JFK. Just because he's my favorite prez doesn't mean I have to scare people. I can appreciate really great portrait tattoos though. Madrespect for the REALLY good ones because portraits are just so easy to botch. But if ever I choose to get one, I'll head straight to Classic Tattoo in San Marcos, TX. I'd trust any of those artists with inking someone else's face on my person. Seriously. Their work is AMAZING. 

What're some tattoos you love on other people but probably wouldn't get for yourself?

Five Things You Should Probably Do At Least Once In Your Life

1. Visit a country you've never been to before. Business, pleasure, humanitarian work, missions...whatever the reason, get your butt off the couch and out of the country for a bit. Soak in a different culture. Be touristy, or try to blend (though the latter is sometimes impossible depending on where you're going). I will never forget Ethiopia a few years ago and once this health stuff calms the eff down, I'll be back on a plane again. To there, and who knows where else. Travel alone, or travel with friends. Have the urge but don't know where to start? The lovely Sarah of Yes & Yes has a great guide for that! (Her general travel tips and musings are enough to get you excited). And if you don't know where to go, close your eyes, spin a globe, and go where your finger lands. Unless it lands in the middle of the ocean, maybe.

2. Spend an entire day by yourself, without technology. Cozy up in your favorite coffeeshop with a good book, do some journaling, evaluate where you are in life...what are you super thankful for? What're some things that need to change? Are there any roadblocks to your awesome lifegoals, and if so, what can you do to bust through em? Take a walk, take a hike, take a long drive WITH NO MUSIC...(yikes!). Just be. You might be surprised at what happens when you unplug, peel away the daily grind, and simply enjoy the company of yourself; no stress, no strings attached. Solo-roadtrip optional...in which case I think music/cellphones are definitely allowed, haha. 

3. Leave a sweet note for a stranger. I used to do this a lot in library books when I returned them. It could be something as simple as "I really loved this book, I hope you do too! Have an amazing day!" Drop a note on a park bench, at a coffeeshop table, on a display at a department store. I'm not condoning vandalism here, but putting a post-it on the inside of a bathroom stall works too. You are beautiful, you are loved, you are special. You're not alone. These are some of the things I've seen written in stalls, on mirrors, in books that I've found, and what inspired me at such a young age to practice this as often as possible.  We're all human, and we all like to be reminded that we matter in some small way, even if it's anonymously. 

4. Go to a counseling session/find a mentor. That first one is totally random, but I truly believe that everyone should go to counseling at least once in their lives. If every person on the planet did that, we might live in a very different world. You never know what you could uncover in an hour; sometimes a total stranger can give you perspective on things you didn't even realize. At VERY least you can say hey, I did this thing, and it was a different/new experience. These two points kind of overlap because if you're bffs with your mom or cool aunt in California and can talk to them about anything and everything, then there you go. Everyone needs sound advice (and to vent) at some point, and mentor is a weird word, but if you don't have someone in your family, find someone you trust that can tell you about the past, hitcha up with some sage wisdom, etc. Example, my great-grandmother will be 100 in November. ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD. She walks, cooks, still does pretty much everything for herself. I love hearing about her life, her transition from Cuba to the United States, all of it. While she might not be my go-to person for dating advice, she's definitely got an invaluable wealth of knowledge to share. Um, hello, can you IMAGINE what kind of kick-ass wisdom you'd have if you saw the passing of a hundred years and still had a sane mind to talk about it?! Bottom line: build a relationship with someone who can give you real-world advice, because they were your age once, even if they didn't have a Macbook back in their day. 

5. Volunteer with an organization you really care about. At least once. And if you REALLY support the cause, don't stop. There's nothing more valuable than giving precious time out of your life to do things for others, no matter what that means. No, you won't get paid. No, there might not be air conditioning and it might smell and you may have to deal with people whose life stories vary greatly from yours. But you're helping out where help is needed, learning about problems that're largely ignored by the general public, and I'm pretty sure that aiding others isn't something you'll ever regret. 

Don't forget to check out Cara's lists today too! What things would YOU add to this list? 

Five Things I Have In My Bag At All Times

Cara and I are goin' a little basic this week since both of us are feelin' under the weather, but I guess every blog ends up with this kind of post at some point or another. Here's to all  you lovely ladies out there who break your shoulders toting around ridiculous amounts of THINGS, haha. 

1. The Necessities Wallet (mine is a thrifted granny doo-dad in burgundy with an attached coin purse!), phone because I'm a very important person

2. Beauty Control Chapstick brand chapstick, bobbypins...sorrynotsorry I'm such a diva

3. Office Supplies Assortment of black Pilot G-2 pens (MYHEART), rainbow array of highlighters, whiteout, planner, misc. mini notebooks, binder clips (obsession), flash drive

4. The Medicine Cabinet Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Vicks vapor rub, tissues, knockoff Claritin, Klonopin (that's the only prescription med I carry with me)

5. Pseudo Necessities/Bad Habit Richard Nixon cigarette case, cigarettes, mini lighter, matches (though I'm considering going electric to help me ease off the hard stuff...thoughts? Suggestions?)

*Bonus Carry-ons* Camera (usually instax, dslr, or disposable), cardigan, crochet hooks

As usual, I've gone well beyond the parameter of a strict 'five' things. Oh well. Let's get girly. What's in your bag that you absolutely can't leave home without? Barring the obvious phone/wallet thing. 

Five Things That Cheer Me Up On a Lame Day

1. Getting out of the house and exploring new places

2. A good chat with a faraway friend

3. My brother

4. Sitting in front of my sewing machine

5. Crocheting while watching Mad Men (or Downton Abbey/HIMYM/New Girl/Burn Notice/Modern Family/Will&Grace) ...basically any random episode of any show I'm a fan of

Don't forget to check out Cara's list this week! What turns your frown upside down when you're feeling bummy? 

Five Things I Love About Fall

I guess the weather knew what Cara and I had planned for this week. It's not a total season-switch just yet, but it's getting there, and I couldn't.be.happier. Houston's weird so you never actually know what the weather's going to be like on any given day, and it can flip in the course of an hour. So summer and fall and winter don't really ease on into each other...it's more like, one day it's hot, the next day it's not. And then it's just kind of coldish. BUT I like to pretend there's a serious fall season because um, hello I already told you I love layering up in scarves and tights and cardigans. So, five things I love about "fall"...

1. FALL WARDROBE! Layering up in scarves and tights and cardigans, if you didn't catch it the first time. It's really important.  

2. Crocheting. I just get in that MOOD. Can't explain it. Well, maybe I can. Last fall I got really serious about crocheting, and that carried into the winter, so it's just the feel of the season for me now. Plus, you're much more excited to make a scarf or sweater when it's cooler because then you can wear it right away. Totally practical. 

3. Coffee! If I could still drink coffee. But the 'bux is already dishin out Pumpkin Spice lattes or whathaveyou, so you know it's that much closer to the holidays, and that just makes me feel cozy even if I can't enjoy their delicious beverages. There's nothing like a coffee shop study sesh with a warm cuppa Tazo tea. (I'm picturing mittened hands and a scarf around my neck right now. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself).

4. Planning for cold weather, and the holidays! I don't know about you, but I'm not a last minute shopper. I'm not much of a shopper at all actually...the past few years of gift exchanges have been extremely DIY (partly because I have no money, but mainly because I love making unique things for the beautifulcreativesouls in my life!). That said, I still like to plan ahead, and late September/early October is my brainstorm time...I might even start on a few gifts depending on how involved they are. Happy times indeed! And to think I used to hate the fall/winter season. Who am I?!

5. Ok, it's hard to come up with a number five because like I said before, there's no clear transition between seasons. Leaves don't turn all these beautiful hues you can enjoy for a few weeks...they just kind of die off in the cold and drop. If you live in Houston and have a different experience please tell me because I need to go where you are. The burbs aren't kind for fall-lovers. BUT, in all reality, the idea of fall is beautiful. A new season, a new chapter of life. That's definitely worth something. 

What're some things YOU love about fall? 

Five Things I Want To Learn How To Do

I have my fingers in more pots than I know what to do with. And even though I haven't exactly mastered the art of anything, I HAVE learned how to do quite a few things fairly well. That means I'm always looking for new things to learn! Call it ADD....I call it a thirst for knowledge. PS be sure to check out Cara's FT list too! 

1. Sew without a pattern (that means practice practice practice)

2. Not be annoyed by a sink of dirty dishes that aren't mine to the point where I feel the compulsion to do them. I'm kidding maybenotreally. But also, learning to/feeling completely comfortable shooting in manual with my dslr would be nice. 

3. Process film and photos in a darkroom 

4. Drive stick, even though I'll probably never own a car that requires it. I just think it's a good bonus skill to have. Like being ambidextrous. You never know when it'll come in handy (also The Boyfriend drives stick so if we're out and something happens I can't drive his car). 

5. Screenprinting. And patience and grace and chilling the eff out...which are more daily practices than things you learn and suddenly know how to do all the time. So, you know. Practice. 

What're some things you'd like to learn how to do? 

Five Things I Miss

Cara and I are waxing a bit nostalgic in this week's FT list! As always, feel free to join in the fun and post your own list. Don't forget to leave us your link in the comments! 

1. Having an apartment and the most uh-MAZING roomates ever in San Marcos, with the river two seconds away (and all my fraaaans) 

2. Anything and everything related to coffee, dark chocolate, dessert in general, cranberries, and colby jack/muenster cheese

3. The moment I stepped off the bus in Shashemene, Ethiopia; the thrill of it, the beautiful people

4. Attending a university...being in a random, exciting community in general

5. Feeling whole (the other half of my brain lives in Waco, ugh)

Five Things I Respect to My Core.

It's that time ladies and gents. Cara and I are back with the weekly feature! Grab the banner, make your own Five Things list, and leave the link to your post in the comments! 

Five Things I Respect to My Core (in no particular order)

1. Small business owners; especially those who make their art for a living. That's my dream, and do I EVER respect the work you put into your passion, the sweat and blood and sacrifice and uncertainty. For those about to rock, I salute you. 

2. Organizations that aim to change the world. The startup, the rallying of people to your cause, watching the action and legislation and everything fall into place after years of roadblocks and disappointment...and to the supporters who fight for the vision unceasingly. 

3. People who live and love wholeheartedly. TO MY CORE I respect this attitude of grace and centeredness that comes with cultivating courage, compassion, and connection. This is something I strive toward every.single.day. But like Hedge and Donna, I've got a long way to go. 

4. Apparently this list is turning into "people" and not "things", but whatever. People who get married and stay married. Who value family. Men and women who take responsibility for their actions, and are active in their children's lives. 

5. Missionaries, humanitarians, and expats.  

Five Places I Need to Visit Before I Die.

My mental list for this one is really long. As in, almost every city in every country in the world. Obviously that won’t happen in my lifetime, but I want to see as much of this planet as I can before I kick the bucket. Narrowing my top five down was really difficult…that’s all I’m going to say. Hence the cheating. OH WELL. Grab the banner and drop the link to your Five Things post in the comments. Don’t forget to link up to this post when you do, AND check out Cara's list for the week! 

Five Things Places I Need to Visit Before I Die

1. Cuba (where my mother is from and many of my relatives are buried)

2. Every country in Africa, including and especially Ethiopia (again). 

3. England

4. Russia + all former Soviet states

5. The gravesites of these people: 
William S. Burroughs (Bellefontaine Cemetery: St. Louis, MO)
Allen Ginsberg (Gomel Chesed Cemetery: Elizabeth, NJ)
Jack Kerouac (Edson Cemetery: Lowell, MA)
Charles Bukowski (Green Hills Memorial Park: Rancho Palos Verdes, LA County, CA)
W.H. Auden (Kirchstetten, Austria)
Sylvia Plath (St.Thomas' Churchyard, Heptonstall, West Yorkshire, England)
Janis Joplin* (except that she was cremated and scattered in the Pacific Ocean)
Joe Strummer* (who was also cremated. DAMN.)
Freddie Mercury* (cremated, scattered on the shore of Lake Geneva in Switzerland)
Muddy Waters (Restvale Cemetery: Worth, IL)
Princess Diana (Althorp House grounds: Northamptonshire, England)
    
*cremated people, I'm visiting your hometowns and memorials, etc
Looks like I'm in for quite the adventure. Happy Wednesday! 

Five Things I Need to Tell Five Different People.

1. I feel like I know you so well already, and I love you so much. When I see you, I will know it in my bones. Please hurry. 

2. It never should have been like that, and I'm so sorry. I was an embarrassment, and mostly I'm petrified about everything that happened. I'm glad you've forgiven me. I'm not sure I've forgiven myself yet. 

3. You're the most beautiful soul I've ever encountered, and you're so freaking talented. I don't tell you that enough. Don't tell you much of anything anymore. 

4. Imissyouwithmywholehearttheend. Where you stop, I begin, and so on. Why are you so far away? 

5. Are you looking at me? LOOK AT ME. You're worth it. You're worth fighting for. WE, THIS is worth fighting for. It's hard, it sucks, these days that drag like black holes, one vacuum into another. We are not this thing, this thing is not us, is not YOU. 

We deserve to be free. I love you to the bottom of my soul and back. Stay in my life forever. Your journey is an inspiration; through all of the highs and lows. We'll get there, and when we make it, this will all just be like a bad dream. I'm so.fucking.proud.of.you. 

...

Ok guys, your turn! Use the banner above (be sure to mention/link up to this post) and make a Five Things list of your own using this week's topic! Leave a link to your FT post in the comments! I can't wait to check em out. Don't forget to pop on over to Cara's blog to see her list (AND enter her AMAZING GIVEAWAY)! Happy Wednesday friendlies!  

Sooo I'm pretty excited to because today marks the beginning of a new weekly co-feature (if that's a thing?) with my dear friend Cara! Each Wednesday we'll be listing five things that...well. You'll just have to follow along and see! Muahaha.

This week's topic is Five Things I Love About Where I Live. 

Normally I won't be this chatty for these posts, promise, but I have to clarify something here. A list like this seems so quick, fun...easy. But if you know me personally, you know that Houston is kind of like...the bane of my existence. I could go on for daaaayz about the things I love about Austin or San Marcos or various friends' couches that they were gracious enough to let me crash on when I was between leases, but ummm...Houston?

What I love about this place? My neighborhood? My city? Maaaybe I could list some things I love about my state (see above paragraph) but these five things had me reaching, I mean REALLY scraping the bottom of my brain, which is kind of sad, maybe. Should it really be that difficult to list things you love about the place you were raised, a place so familiar you know it like your own skin? It was much easier to think of all the things I completely and utterly despise about this doubletroubleshitcity (technical term coined by my bff and I- we grew up next door to each other)...but this is supposed to be a fun feature! I mean.

Houston for me will always be a little bit of love and a lot more hate, for reasons I won't go into and others I just can't explain. Like I'm proud to rep my city when I don't live there. It's not that I mind being from Houston...it was just never meant to be my home. And that's ok; these things aren't permanent. 

SO. Before I keep rambling about things both unnecessary and ridiculous, I give you one of the most difficult (so stupid, I know) lists I've ever had to make. But then that's kind of the point of the feature, I think, to present something that's maybe a little more thought-provoking than it seems at the surface. Who knows. 

Five Things I Love About Where I Live

1. The abundance of local thrift and antique stores, as in 5-15 minutes away, without having to go all the way into the city. I live in the burbs, so this is a plus. Sometimes most times it's like sitting on a goldmine. 

2. Houston has a really great museum and theater district. I can't even begin to deny that. From hole in the wall converted warehouse to the Alley, there's plenty to do, and most of it on the cheap! Also, the nightlife variety is pretty great, though I tend to stick to music venues and my Midtown watering holes (ummm, do I sound like a brochure/tour guide? Anyone? Because I'm annoying myself now). 

3. Free Press Houston and 107.5 The Eagle radio. When I was away I'd stream it online, because no oldies stations in the area compared. And Free Press, well. They're just awesome. 

4. I'm 25min from the city (well, MY part of the city- Montrose whaaat) and 40min from the beach. And the closest mall (10min away) now has an H&M (!!!) so my life is happyhappy.

5. I'm proud to be a native Texan, though technically I'm half Cuban. There's something about this state, about southern culture. About the incredible mix of people. Houston is it's own melting pot- like you left a 4billion-count box of crayons in the car and they melted into a big blob in the sweltering heat. Maybe every state is like that, I don't know. But being an American, to me, is like having shallow roots. I'm not bashing my country, but our cultural shtick is that we HAVE no culture, no tradition, because we ARE that melted mess of crayons. That's not a bad thing, but I love Texas (again, this may be similar for every state) because there's so much pride in being from here or living here. I mean, so much. It's everywhere. Lonestar state, I love you. PS don't mess with Texas (I need to get one of those bumper stickers asap). 

What're some things you love about where you live?