Yesterday I went in for an eye exam. My prescription
expired in April and I was on my last pair of contacts… I have a pair of
glasses, but they’re a few prescriptions old and despite continuous tightening
have a tendency to fall off my face (to be fair, they’re men’s frames, but
anyway). All things considered, it was about that time.
The exam itself was nothing spectacular. I’m no stranger to
the optometrists’ chair, phoropter clicking in front of my face, “Which is
better, this one? Or this one?” as I squint through layers of lenses to read a
line on the eye chart.
When she asked me to take out my contacts, I thought nothing
of it, as usual. I sat. Looked around. Answered questions. Really looked
around. WOW. I really can’t see a single thing. Light and color and shadow blur
together into a single, pulsing blob in front of my face. It’s not that my
sight suddenly deteriorated over the course of a year and a half, but every
time I’m asked in this office to take out my contacts, it hits me. I can’t see.
I was born without the physical ability to visually define shapes, objects,
people. Details. Visual discernment.
This got me thinking about the pervasive theme of blindness
we experience in our own lives, in our culture. As individuals, we can get so
blinded by fear, apprehension, anger, pain, disappointment…even positive things
we get passionate about. When we’re so focused on our own issues or struggles
that we can’t clearly see past them to the world around us, to the people who
care most about us, we miss the details. I’m no exception. I live daily in a
flurry of work, school, to do lists, being there for my family, spending time
with The Boyfriend, connecting with friends in faraway places, working on my
own personal goals. The weeks blur together. My lack of focus makes my hearing
selective, and my interpretation of things more critical or just plain
misconstrued. And I know I’m not the only one.
Maybe it’s time to take a step back from overworking and
pretending to have it all together and being everything to everyone all the
time. None of these things are achievable, practical, or even healthy. You do
what you have to do to survive, I get that. Working hard isn’t a crime. But I
wonder if sometimes we’re not so caught up in our own lives, so distracted by
things we want/can’t have/don’t need, so blinded by our ambition, that we miss
the big picture, and all the magnificent details along the way.
I’m working on shifting my perspective…corrective lenses can
fix my biological blindness, but they can’t fix what I’ve missed over the years
because of my own out of focus living. The only things that matters are moving
forward, having open communication, making amends, and being present.
That’s what I’m aiming for. What’re some things you can do to better focus on what’s REALLY important to you?
